Monday, 10 September 2012
Lowest weight in over 15 years
If you've been reading my blog for a while now, you've seen these a few times. Lowest weight in .... years. This will be my final one. 15 years ago my life was quite a bit different. Living with Gill. I'd just bought a new (second hand) car, which I just sold 6 months ago. Back in 1997 I would break my arm in March, something that would cause a rebound that would last for 3 1/2 years.
I can't believe that my "journey" is almost over. I feel all sorts of emotions. More on that in my next post. Last weekend I've had two comments at work about my weight, one day after the other! Sadly, they haven't said that I look great, it has been more a sort of being concerned about my weight, and maybe I'm getting too low. I just want to be the weight I was back in 1996. Back then no one said I was underweight. So why are they getting concerned now? Way to spoil my fun, thanks.
Anyway, before about a week ago I was having rewards every half kilogram, but that has stopped. I'm not having them anymore. The reason is that I want to finish by about the 10 year anniversary of what I call "my 2002 madness" or "the worst year of my life, excepting the year I die". 10 years ago, my partner was dying of breast cancer. My mother was also dying of pancreatic cancer. Gill died on the 19th of September, we had her funeral on the 21st, and that night I drove to Dunedin, 5 hours away.
My mother was in a bad way, but I'm so glad that my brother and father came up for the funeral. The next morning I had the following conversation with my mother: "Do you know that Gill has died?" "Of course I do". That was the only words we said. I really wish that I was able to have a proper conversation about Gill dying, because my mother was very fond of Gill, but she just didn't have it in her. The next morning my mother died.
As you can imagine, that was really tough on me. I still think of it a couple of times a week, 10 years later. Gill was always supportive about my weight problems back then, she must have heard "I've lost another kilogram" so many times! Unlike my last two girlfriends, she never showed resistance to me wanting to lose weight, never made one negative comment. Actually, this is the first time I've realised that, having typed it. I never had the need to question what she said about my weight. She was my first girlfriend and we had a long-term relationship, and for some people you get really strong feelings for someone even years after the relationship has ended when they are your first girl/boyfriend and it is long-term.
So yeah, I want to finish around the time of the 10 year anniversary. Not a month later. Nowish. But I'll make sure that goal day is not the 19th or the 23rd. I don't want to have a happy occasion on a sad day.
On a lighter note, I'm wondering how the blog will be different when I'm at goal weight. My two favourite maintenance blogs are Fit to Finish by Diane and At Goal Weight Watcher by Caron.
Diane has been at goal weight for 14 years, but she really knows how to look back and discuss the issues that were important to her when she was heavier, as well as now that she's at goal. Her posts are a derivation of "Let's talk about ...".
Caron has been at goal weight for a couple of years now. She regularly posts her weight, as well as what is happening in her life. It's nice to get a feel of who she is as a person, rather than just words on a screen. She gets to go to Weight Watchers meetings for free because she's at her goal weight.
You'll notice that my blog consists of posts such as:
Lowest weight in n years
I lost a bit this week
I gained a bit this week
n weeks in a row of losing
I'm starting a new self-challenge
That self-challenge really didn't work out but...
So let's imagine what my blog in (ideally) maintenance would be like:
My weight is stable
I started exercising
I had some nice food this week
I stopped exercising
My weight is stable
Kinda boring, right? I really have no idea what the blog will turn into, I guess we can wait and see.